Introduction to Adopted Kids from Good Adoptive Families
It is impossible to wholly understand the feeling of being an adopted child unless you are one.
Some people think that adoption is something to be ashamed of regardless if you are the adopter or the adoptee because they view it as a process done for and undergone by people with an incomplete family or with “no family” to begin with.
The truth however is that adoption should not be looked down upon. Adoption is a big, life-changing decision for those who adopt and a determinative life chapter for those who are adopted.
There are different cases and scenarios among different adopters. Some adopted kids are not aware because the adoptive parents choose to keep it as a tightly sealed secret forever or just until some time. Meanwhile, some adopted children are fully aware because the adoptive family choose to let the adoption matter be an open subject that’s freely and comfortably being talked about at home.
Let’s focus on the latter situation. Surely, allowing the adopted kids to know the truth about their identity is always a better decision than concealing what they must have knowledge of. It helps both the parents and the children to make things clear and straight and to prevent further and more destructive damage in the future.
Adopted kids are definitely grateful when their adoptive parents show and give them all the love they can give without holding back —
that even when they do not come from their own flesh and blood, their adoptive parents love them just like they are! And truly, when you are an adoptive parent, it is an enormous responsibility that you have accepted, so it is your duty to value and nurture these kids to the best of your abilities.
It is so heartwarming indeed to hear of adopted kids and adoptive parents whose love for each other is irreplaceable and sometimes beyond those who are of the same bloodline. Really, you will realize that adoption is not something bad and not something to be embarrassed about.
And here’s another truth that exists in some adoptive parents’ lives: Some adopted kids still look for their biological parents even when their adoptive families are good to them and so much more than they could ever ask for! This is even when they have pleasant relationships with them as well. What are the possible reasons? Read on.
1 – SOME HAVE QUESTIONS THAT ONLY THEIR BIOLOGICAL PARENTS CAN ANSWER.
The family always makes up a huge portion of a person’s selfhood. There is a space in everyone’s identification that belongs to the family.
If the adopted kids do not know why they do not wake up in the world without their birth parents, you cannot blame them if they feel like there is a missing part of their being. Sometimes, adoptive parents tell the kids the story of how they are adopted, but the kids still wonder about numerous things.
Some adopted children have questions that only their real parents can answer. While some don’t care anymore about other details, some adopted kids desire to have their curiosities ended by hearing the explanations directly from the parents who let them be taken care of by other people.
They don’t necessarily want to be close to them again; instead, they just want to attain peace of mind by completing the details of their personal identity.
2 – SOME JUST WANT TO SEE THEM FACE TO FACE.
If the adoption is born out of a gloom-ridden background, like having to leave the child because of unwanted pregnancy or because of choosing another family, it could be heartbreaking for some adopted kids to see their biological parents.
Yet, believe it or not, some adopted kids search for them because they merely want to see them face to face. They just want to know if they are still alive and well. “Who do I take after?” “Who looks like me?” Even the littlest details, these kids just want to know and see, not from photos but for real. That’s all. It may be simple for others but grand for them.
2 – SOME YEARN TO FEEL THE LOVE FROM THEIR OWN BLOOD.
There are strangers who become family — sometimes beyond family, and it’s like a priceless gift that anyone who receives it will always be thankful for. Adoptive families are like that to adopted children.
While good adoptive parents do everything to give a worthwhile life and to convey an unconditional love to their adopted youngsters, some kids still look for their birth parents as they yearn to feel the love from their own blood.
They have felt and experienced the incomparable love coming from the parents who legally took them as part of their family, yet sometimes, these kids acknowledge the void in their hearts that only their biological parents can fill, and they want to have it filled in.
Even just to be able to hug them, to talk to them, to meet with them and to feel that they are loved by their real parents are all precious moments to these adopted kids. Sometimes, they set aside remorse and sadness towards the parents who left them because they want to give them a chance to prove at least that they are not as “bad” as they have always thought of.
3 – SOME SEEK REVENGE.
This one could be dangerous because you may never know what runs in their minds. Some adopted children look for their birth parents to seek revenge. Pictures as this most likely happen when the reason for adoption is untoward and unfavourable.
4 – SOME WANT TO SHOW THAT THEY ARE LIVING HEALTHY, SO THEIR BIRTH PARENTS WON’T WORRY.
For some adopted kids who are living a wonderful life with their adoptive families, they look for their biological parents to let them know and see that they are living well and healthy.
They want to tell them that they have nothing to worry about because the parents they have known have given them everything they need. Especially when the adoptive parents have positively introduced who their real parents are, the kids will not hold grudges against their biological parents.
When they grow up and older, instead of seeking to blame and upbraiding their parents for leaving them for adoption, they will look for them with the concern that they are thinking about them and caring for them despite the time and the distance they have been apart including the pain that goes with these.
5 – SOME WANT TO RECONNECT WITH THEM (BUT NOT ALL WANT TO COME BACK TO THEM).
Many adoptive parents fear that when their beloved adopted kids grow up and look for their true parents, they would want to go back to and live with them. It does a lot of changes in the adoptive parent-adopted child relationship when this happens.
Also, read- some childhood experience
It is true that some adopted kids search for their parents to reconnect with them. This is a weighty matter that must be discussed between the adoptive family and the biological family. Counsellors and lawyers must be consulted and hired to help with this, especially when arguments and issues arise. The end depends on whether or not both parties agree — of course, considering the child’s thoughts and feelings too.
Many adopted kids want to establish or re-establish connection with their natural parents but don’t want to come back to them anymore. Their adoptive families have been there for them through it all, have provided for them both big and small needs and wants, and have loved them without bounds. Attachment is just another reason, but gratitude is the main reason why even after knowing who their real parents are, they still stay with their adoptive parents. They just want to have good relationships with their birth parents without living with them. With that, they have more than just one family they can call theirs.
This is familiar because family dramas show these kinds of stories, but it is also the reality that there are adopted kids who still want to see and meet their biological parents even when they are already living a sufficient life with their adoptive parents. There are varied reasons including the ones above.
Other personal reasons may not be here, but know that whatever they may be, if you are an adoptive parent, guide and be there for these adopted children who are going after an unknown, unclear or unclosed case area of their lives. In their searching, they need you to light their way and help them to make decisions and actions that will not hurt them and that they will never regret.
|ABOUT THE AUTHOR:|
Nicole Ann Pore is a writer, an events host and a voice-over artist. She finds quality and well-researched writing as a worthwhile avenue to enlighten and delight others about things that matter. For her, it’s restoring and fulfilling to the heart and a great way to clear the mind while loading it up with fresh learning. Film critiquing and filmmaking are among her interests too. Giving all the glory to God, Nicole graduated Cum Laude from De La Salle University-Manila, the Philippines with a Bachelor’s Degree in Communication Arts.